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Art-Gate. AKA Silence is not always golden.

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Who doesn't have a few regrets, or a few nasty memories you wish wouldn't haunt you when you can't sleep? I am tormented by the time when I was working as an office administrator and mail merged the company pay rise letters. I hated the job and the boss was a so-and-so, and subsequently I mindlessly folded all those letters and handed them out. It was only later when I got called into the so-and-so's office, to be asked why someone had been handed a letter saying they were getting "a blank payrise, effective from blank date" that I realised some of the spreadsheet wasn't entirely complete. I was made to feel like a right moron and I was indignant and cross towards blank employee forever more, because he was right to tell so-and-so what a doofus I'd been. So there's that, happily more than 10 years ago but still paining me.

Then there's the time I was living with a male friend and we were playing video games, and when he beat me I tried to ask a question about how excitable he was about winning but I misspoke and asked him something WAY too personal and inappropriate by mistake. That was awkward.

What I've learnt from these experiences is this:
A) Embarrassing memories linger for much longer than hilarious ones
and
B) Sometimes it is best not to speak at all
and
C) You don't harbour good feelings towards someone who shows you up for doing something stupid

Which brings me around to what happened a few nights ago and the point of this horrible reminiscing. It was late on Thursday night and Chris was out at an awards ceremony when I received a text from him. In this text he told me there had been a small "hiccup" and that he had bid on some art in a silent auction and inadvertently won it. He hoped the front door wouldn't be locked to him when he got home.

This is our conversation via text:


"One slight "hiccup" - I bid on some art in a silent auction for the children's air ambulance charity - and inadvertently won £490 worth of unique, subversive Star Wars art. It's not quite a bus fine, I'll give you that, but it is for a very good cause. I'm hoping the door will be open when I get home?!"

"Hang on, you bid £490?"

"Yes."

I tried to think what to write next. I did type a few short, expletive laden messages which I quickly deleted as unhelpful. I know £490 isn't a massive amount of money to everyone, but it is a huge amount to us, and way, WAY more than I would normally suggest we donate to ANY charity. We don't have that sort of cash going spare, if you know what I mean. So I tried to think about the implications of this, about what I wanted to happen next and what could be done about it and decided that if I didn't find a funny side to the situation then it would end up being one of those ridiculous, embarrassing tortures or else a horrible, pointless argument. So I started looking for a funny side.  It took a while. Chris texted again:

"That is a very long silence. x"

I typed my reply


That seemed to do the trick. I'm not sure if Friends will have the answer every time something goes wrong but we did manage to have a laugh at what has now become known as Art-Gate and we are not getting a divorce. We also have a cardboard box with a growing collection of electronic devices to take to CEX to make back some of the money. Chris has convinced himself that the piece in question is by the next Banksy and will turn out to have been a wonderful investment, although we can't put it up at home as it's not really suitable for the kids to see. Yup. So in any case, I hope the Children's Air Ambulance is thriving and that we never have to use them.  If you would like to make a donation to them, here is their website. Maybe you can agree the amount with whoever you share a family budget with first though.

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